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One Reason Why Disability Awareness is Essential!

July 06, 2025 | By: Robert Ouellette

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Is it really being unaware, is it ignorance, or just plain unable to speak to someone who is unlike them? 

I know it's been a minute since I posted.

When I have to talk about this subject or face this type of ignorant interaction, I have to take a step back and ask myself these questions. 

1). Was this person really unaware of anyone unlike themselves in the world?

2). Has this person EVER seen someone with a disability?

3). Is this pure ignorance, just unkind, unknowing, awkward, or something else?

4). How can we turn this into a teaching moment?

Of course, many more questions and feelings come flooding in especially after the initial discussion.  

Just so everyone knows I do not take any of these situations lightly, but I do want to use them as teaching moments not just for the person but for everyone. Awareness is a wonderful thing if the lesson is accepted and changes are made. 

What I don't often come into contact with (it happens just not as frequently) is a person who straight up does not acknowledge I am even in the room or in this situation sitting at the table they are waitressing. 

I am used to getting stares, comments thrown my way, and people not knowing how to talk to or treat me. Often, I get a question that is meant for me, but is asked to either my mom, dad, or whoever is with me. I don't like it, and the person is told, "You can ask Robert that question," and is informed how I will answer them. 

On Father's Day, I went to dinner with my parents at a new restaurant in Chelmsford.

 

 

We were seated rather quickly; there were three of us.  We called ahead, as we often do, to ensure accessibility for my wheelchair.  Often, we will go in ahead of time if we have never been there before. We want to ensure there are no steps, the tables are not too close together, and there is plenty of space. Yes, we have a right to be there, but we also want to be respectful of others as well. 

The space in this restaurant was adequate, and they had our table ready and a space for me to pull up to. Everything was perfect so far, and I could even watch the Red Sox vs. the Yankees (not a bad setup in my opinion). 

Then the waitress came to our table with two waters, did I mention there were three at the table? I thought so, just checking... 

The waitress asked my mom and dad if they wanted anything to drink and then if we wanted to place our orders. My mom told my dad to order first, she took his order, then my mom ordered, and the waitress started to walk away. My mom stopped her...

She was on the younger side, but so am I, so I don't consider her all that young. She has been alive for at least 20 years, so she has met human beings and has been taught basic respect for others, well, at least I had hoped she had. 

 

So my mom called her back to the table. She said to her, I am not sure how well you were trained as a waitress or where you were trained, but when you wait on a table, you should greet EVERYONE and ask EVERYONE if they would like a drink or food. Not only did you not acknowledge my son was at the table when you brought two waters instead of three, you never even asked or waited to see if he wanted anything to eat. She proceeded to smile, which upset my mom more. My mom continued, Robert is all set and does not want anything, but he would like some respect from you. She said OK, would you like anything else? 

At this point, my mom is fuming and thought she'd better let her go so she can cool down. This waitress was ignorant and unkind. She still never acknowledged me or even apologized for her disrespectful treatment or thoughtlessness. We had no choice but to mention it to management. 

The manager was very apologetic and, after offering some excuses as to why "people" do this, which was not welcomed at all into the conversation, he said he would for sure use it as a teaching moment and retrain all his staff concerning this whole encounter. 

I am not going to give the name of the restaurant for many reasons, but the main reason is that it had nothing to do with the restaurant itself, and it had everything to do with awareness and to show how different people with disabilities are treated. This waitress was unable to address her faults or come to the realization of what she had done. It was, to say the least, infuriating to have someone like this waitress at our table. 

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have been treated poorly by complete strangers just because of how I present.  And the stares, oh the stares, they are all day, every day.

I have been brought up well, and I am respectful and kind. I would never treat someone this way, and I think I have the right to do so at times when I am being treated so unkindly. But I would never do it. I am told I have a great smile, but it's not often that strangers take the time to see it. 

I welcome questions, and my mom loves it when kids ask them because we want them to feel comfortable doing so.  But when parents rush their kids away, it leaves them believing they should be afraid and not talk. Parents are often embarrassed by the questions kids ask, but they are innocent, honest, and we very much welcome them. We don't have to get into a long conversation. One thing I have noticed is that they just want to ask a question, and then they are good to go.  

I have a feeling this waitress was rushed away during her childhood, and this is what she "learned" to do when she encountered anyone different from her. Maybe she has no idea that people have disabilities, but she needs to get a clue, and if she is going to remain in the food industry, it needs to be quick. We are here and we are here forever, just like you. 

Let your kids ask questions instead of staring. Teach your kids that someone with a disability is no different from them.  They may do things differently or need extra "stuff" to help them, but we all have a beating heart and have feelings. We are no different.

Don't pretend that anyone with a disability does not exist, talk to us like you do anyone else. And don't talk down to us like we are your pet or a baby, and for God's sake, don't yell at us like we can't hear you. Believe me, we hear you and see you. 

Remember that our disabilities do not define us, but we are stronger because of them. 

We hope to go back to this restaurant and have a whole new experience. 

Let me know in the comments if you have encountered a similar scenario, how you handled it, and what the feedback was. 

Thanks for reading!

Robert

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